She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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