is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
