ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
