I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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