and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
