some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
