i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
