what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
