hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
