my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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