Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
