i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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