So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
