it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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