I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize