once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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