We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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