We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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