I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
