Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
