She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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