just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
