they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
