considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
