did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I understand Curling. That high.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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