i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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