READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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