That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we're making bets on your personal life
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Panties = found
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
