batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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