His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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