I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
