just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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