Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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