Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
