Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
