Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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