He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
