Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Four minutes until I can fart!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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