take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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