Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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