stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
