Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
