I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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