I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
