i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
