Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
