eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
