In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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