Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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