I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
be right there i have to get my cape
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
