Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
