As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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