pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
no, he came in my armpit
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
