Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
