just come out here and I will go home with you...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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