I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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