That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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