So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
