I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
