Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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