The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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