i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think your dad took our porno
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
