I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
