my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
