happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
