maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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